The following is from Chapter 11 of Jody Forrester’s memoir, Guns Under the Bed: Memories of a Young Revolutionary, published September 1, 2020. It can be purchased at any independent bookstore or online at https://bookshop.org/ https://www.indiebound.org/ and you can buy the e-book from Amazon.
Part 3 of 3
I climbed down to the floor and stood at the window on tiptoes. Below me was a swarm of sombrero crowns with wide brims. The men wearing them were illuminated by the candles they held and were singing banderos, love songs, to their wives, mothers, and daughters, singing from their hearts, from the heart of the community. In twos and threes, the women woke up, some comprehending more quickly than others what was happening. Several of the bigger women and I held one, then another, up to the window. They clapped their hands and cried, and I, too, began to cry, caught in the threads of sentiment woven by the music.
Frankincense wafted in, sweetening the stale air. The musicians quieted to allow a priest to lead the Catholic Mass. Next to me heads bent over hands pressed together; rosary beads clicked. Although the rituals contradicted my godless ideology, I felt privileged to be a silent observer. I couldn’t help myself—the chorus of song and guitars touched me beyond the R.U. activist I had become and the atheist my parents had raised me to be.
After the men left, I lay down on the floor and this time fell into a deep sleep when a guard unlocked and opened the cell door. The sun was just filtering in. My eyes, crusty with sleep, peeled open.
“Jody Forrester!” He pointed to me, assured of his choice.
I was frightened and didn’t want to leave alone.
Maria Dolores, already awake, whispered “Será fuerte. Be strong.” I hugged each woman whose name I’d come to know, feeling already the loss of our overnight intimacy.
The guard led me downstairs to the same office where Maria Dolores had been taken the day before and locked me in without a word. The room was small with dark paneled walls and no windows, only a metal card table and a single chair on either side. It was the classic interrogation room of police dramas. Fretting and pacing, I was too restless to sit, just one thought circling: the gun, they must have found the gun. It seemed a very long time before the door swung open. I expected the commanding officer, but instead it was the same guard who locked me in.
“You made bail. A lawyer is here for you,” he said, his English broken with a Spanish accent. “Follow me.”
A man in a navy blue suit and silk tie stood in the lobby—so dressed up he looked as if he’d taken the wrong exit off the freeway. He didn’t introduce himself, only said that he was an attorney sent by a colleague to post the five-hundred-dollar bail bond.
Despite my fears about the VW, I strenuously objected. “We’ll be arraigned soon. I should stay!”
“I’m following orders. The paperwork’s already filled out and your bond’s paid.” His voice was tired. He must have been awakened very early to get there before eight.
The sergeant at the front desk handed me my things. I lit a cigarette, but the lawyer in his new Mercedes asked me to put it out.
Sunlight diffused in the dusty ever-present haze in the Salinas valley. In clotted traffic outside the jail, women were pushing children in strollers, many carrying brightly colored straw shopping bags.
“Who sent you? Do you have a message for me?” I asked.
“Skip called me, reminding me that I owed him a favor.” I recognized the name from the pool of attorneys supportive of the R.U. agenda. Charles must have called him.
“Nothing more?” He shook his head, slowed at a stop sign, and then shot through. The leather seats were slippery. I dug my toes into the plush floor mat.
We drove directly to the parking field. I could see immediately that the VW wasn’t there, although I desperately continued to scan the few cars and trucks still parked.
“My car’s gone!” I turned to him, expectant and hopeful. He must know something.
He shrugged. His lack of concern cautioned me to say no more.
A station wagon full of children drove up, the driver honking its horn. He leaned out the window, waving me over.
“That’s it for me,” the attorney said.
“Wait, what’s happening? Who are they?”
He shook his head and reached over to open the passenger door. I was barely out when he took off, setting off a spray of dirt and stinging pebbles.
Five children were in the middle seat, all staring as I walked towards the car. A girl, maybe four years old, with pink and purple ribbons wound through her long braid, looked through her fingers at me, then ducked when I waved. The passenger door of the car was already open and I slipped in, trying not to cry in front of these people I didn’t yet know.
In a jumble of Spanish and English, the driver introduced himself as Manuel, Maria Dolores’s husband. He had the strong arms of a laborer and a reassuring sweetness to his voice. Seeing that I held a cigarette, he struck a match to light it. This simple courtesy calmed me.
“Are you Jody?” he asked, pronouncing the J like a Y, as native Spanish speakers do.
“Yes. Thank you for picking me up.” I could hear my voice, higher pitched than usual, as I struggled to hold back brimming tears. Manuel began driving, one hand on the wheel, the other stretched across the back of my seat.
“I left my car here yesterday, but it’s gone.” I could feel my face beseeching him.
“Si, I know. I have it, now it’s at my house.” His wide smile revealed the great pleasure he took in my surprise and relief.
“How did you know, how did you do it?” I asked. The tears spilled over—I could no longer contain them.
“It was easy, just a screwdriver. Your friend, the one with the stutter, phoned me last night. He explained the problem.” Manuel didn’t remember his name, but I knew it was Charles and sent a silent thank you to Jack for the message he must have passed on.
The children were giggling and curious. Little fingers touched my matted curls, and one tried to comb through them.
“Maria called just a little while ago. She said the arraignment will be at nine and it’s almost that now. I have to take you.”
“Does she know I’m with you?” Still confused, I was trying to make sense out of what was happening.
“No, señorita. Your friend, he called again, just now, just as I was leaving for the court. He said that somebody would bail you out and I should find you here.”
Manuel turned a corner and stopped to let me out in front of the courthouse next to the jail, saying he would see me soon. After a few wrong turns, my breathing tense, I found my group already lined up in front of the judge’s bench awaiting his entrance. The other women picked up with us sat in wooden seats for their cases to be called. Maria Dolores turned and waved me over with frantic hand gestures.
“Amiga, que pasa? Your name, it was just called. Are you all right? Where did you go?” The bailiff frowned. The judge was coming in; I could only squeeze her hand.
In less than ten minutes, a trial date was set and my cellmates released on their own recognizance. I was embarrassed by my privileged early release, though I realized nobody actually knew why I was called out of the cell earlier. I lost track of Maria Dolores and was not sure what to do next when Manuel, with his eye-crinkling smile, appeared out of the crowd to tell me that I should come home with them for breakfast.
“Then you can take your car.” Had he been more familiar, I surely would have hugged him.
Maria Dolores was already in the front seat, twin toddlers on her lap. I crowded into the back seat with the children. The two daughters pushed their older brother away to sit next to me. Their mother settled the erupting quarrel with one stern look. We drove by deserted fields, the lettuce strike evidently still going on. At every entrance UFW representatives held up picket signs. Manuel honked the horn, I waved, the children cheered.
He soon pulled onto a bricked driveway leading to a low-slung ranch house, its cedar siding whitewashed below the roof’s gray-brown shingles. Manuel shooed away several mongrels barking madly in greeting. Purple morning glory and pink bougainvillea straggled up the front of the house, anchored on nails set into the wood. Manny, their oldest (nine, I thought) pointed out a swing hanging from a heavily laden avocado tree. He told me he and his father had just finished making it for the younger kids. He spoke in accented English, very poised, very proud.
The living room was festive as though dressed up for a party. Paper flowers with floppy petals made of pink and blue tissue paper lay gathered in bunches behind the furniture and in every corner. Manny told me they made them to sell. Finger paintings on school-issued newsprint were taped on brick walls. A zoo of pinatas that included Winnie the Pooh and Wile E. Coyote dangled from crossbeams next to multi-colored God’s-eyes and flaccid balloons. Maria Dolores sighed when she saw the children’s toys left scattered on the floor.
The house soon filled with spicy aromas. Manuel was in the kitchen, cooking huevos rancheros, sausage and breakfast potatoes, all smothered, Manny told me, in his dad’s own tongue-burning salsa. When Manuel offered me a cup of coffee, I was so greedy for the hot caffeine that it was an effort not to just open my mouth and pour it in. We both lit cigarettes, his a hand roll, mine a Marlboro.
Fresh from the shower Maria Dolores joined us, the mess of toys on the floor already cleaned up. The beribboned girl, whispering to me that her name was Monica, stood leaning against my chair until I set her on my lap. This was the family life that I craved. Sitting at their table felt like coming home to a home I’d never known. Until Manuel spoke.
“So, your friend, he said there was a gun in your car?” He sounded more amused than angry. “Yours?”
“Oh my god, no!” How could he even think that? But of course, he didn’t know me.
“Then who?” His tongue curled to ferret out bits of tobacco from his front teeth.
“Just some stupid guy who thinks that every demonstration is a potential call for the revolution!” As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I wished I could take them back. R.U. members were expected to show a united front, our criticisms of each other aired only in meetings, but per usual, my mouth opened of its own accord.
“The revolución, I see.” Manuel flicked his tongue out again to gather the stray pieces of tobacco. His lips still turned up, but whether it was a smirk or a smile, I wasn’t sure. “And what revolución is that?”
Heat crept up my neck. Here was my opening, but I didn’t know what to say, where to start. Monica clasped my hand as though she knew I needed reassuring. My mouth opened, my tongue twisted. Now that I had their attention, the words I hoped to say stuck in my throat.
That was always my problem. I’m passionate about what I believe in and could argue against wrongs catalyzed by imperialism and capitalism but lacked the skill to present an in-depth argument about theory. I was never able to make the language my own. Dialectical materialism. Mass line. Class struggle. How the Maoism of an agrarian revolution pertains to the antagonistic struggle between labor and capital. The words stumbled. I took another deep breath.
“Basta, Manuel,” Maria Dolores said. “Enough! This is a time to celebrate, not to talk politics!”
He laughed and the children laughed with him, eager to move the conversation back to themselves. I hated the relief I felt, knowing that once I returned home, I would be expected to judge my performance and then be judged. What would be most important to my comrades was what I failed to do—I had not aligned the lettuce pickers’ struggle with the proletarian revolution; I had not educated them about Mao Tse-Tung; I had made no contacts to follow up on. It would matter little that the women had liked me and that I had liked them. I could fairly be criticized for making myself more important than the Party line. I didn’t know whether it was immaturity or lack of confidence holding me back—or the certainty that the farm workers would have considered me ridiculous to think that I knew better what was best for them.
An hour later, satiated with food and family love, I followed Manuel outside to the VW parked behind their house. He stood back while I opened the glove compartment.
There it was, still wrapped in the shirt, oblivious of the worry it caused me. Manuel moved forward, took the gun out, and popped open the chamber. A bullet was housed there. He showed me, with a scolding look, that the safety latch was toggled open. Manuel ejected it, then pulled out the 8-bullet clip and put it in his pocket. I hoped he would take the gun too but didn’t stop him when he returned it to the glove compartment. Embarrassed to blushing red, I couldn’t look him in the eye, although I saw that the look he gave me was questioning and concerned.
I took the keys from my pocket, sat in the driver’s seat, and started the car, driving around to the front where the children waited, their arms full of paper flowers.
“For you,” Monica lisped.
They spread the floppy flowers on the back seat and put a few in the passenger seat, the pinks and blues a vibrant testimony to my value in their world. At that moment, I was glad I had been myself, with no agenda, without propaganda. I still remember their warmth and how much their inclusion meant to me. Their hugs cheered me as I left the house to drive north on the road I had taken south only the morning before. Soon enough I was on the highway, the windows open until the stink of rotting lettuce lying dormant in the fields got to be too much. I made sure to honk the horn each time I passed the strikers standing sentinel in front of empty fields.
Reluctantly, my thoughts spun forward. I still wished I could have taken some kind of a leadership role, but I was beginning to feel more confident in the reticence that held me back. Change, I think I had only just learned, depended on need, not dogma. This was the first time it occurred to me that the Revolutionary Union might not have the right answers for everybody.
End of Part 3 of 3. Be sure to read Parts 1 and 2 published earlier in this blog.
Jody A. Forrester
Author of Guns Under the Bed: Memories of a Young Revolutionary
https://www.jodyaforrester.com